Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

This is a very enjoyable text to read and is another well-written out-of-universe text related to Final Fantasy XIII. You put quite detail while writing about characters, their behaviour. You very well mimic the character behaviour like given in the original game. Even though the text is about harassment at school, there are quite a lot funny moments to balance the rather unpleasant topic, yet I don't know if this was intended. There are a few misspellings, but aside of that the text is easy to follow by non-native English speakers, thanks to the usage of rather popular vocabulary. However, I advise to not write walls of text as they may be sometimes hard to follow and doesn't look pleasant to eye, but that depends on personal preferences. I'd like to also complain about little care put into describing characters' clothing as it helps to define the character more, but then again it's depends on personal preferences.

Either way, this has a lot of potential to grow into something great, but still needs work (e.g.: near the end of the text are two lines which can easily cause confusion - these regard Snow and Hope's homes). A rather unexpected event would add impact to the story as well as giving a bit more light to other characters like Vanille who seemed more of a "last minute addition" rather than a "fully-fledged character" would benefit the story as well.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.


No comments have been added yet.

Add a Comment: